Romaniacs (Part 2)

Bucharest.

We’ve already lost Bucharest to the zombie plague. The apartments have been abandoned for months and the sooty buildings stretch on forever. Trash wafts across the road and the sidewalks are roamed by angry hordes of downtrodden beings. Even the nuclear plant at the center of the city is a bit under the weather.

I advise anyone in Bucharest who is still alive to move towards the coast.

I have nothing more to say.

Black Sea Party.

National Geographic has mislead me.

Every picture of a sea in the center of the Eurasian continent shows fat people in speedos packed into a strand of gravel with a power plant in the background pouring effluence into the dark water.

But not once did National Geographic prepare me for semi-trucks with parade floats carting mostly naked dancing ladies down the street. This was the first time I saw Romanian men driving slow (although it didn’t keep them from veering into the oncoming lane while eyeing a particularly wiggly bosom).

I too might have been distracted by the dancing queens, fog lights, and giant glowing skull except I was really, really tired of driving and they were bringing traffic to a halt.

They were advertising for local nightclubs catering to Eastern Europeans. I’m not sure how this attracts people to the nightclub since all the goods are on the street.

We knew we were getting near the correct place when the nightclubs faded into the distance. Sure enough in a weedy lot between two beach condos we found a parked Mongol Rally Motorbike. We followed the usual dark trail and found ourselves next to an unusual golden beach.

Where is the effluence? I thought. Where are the power plants? Why is the Black Sea actually blue and green? I imagined it was the Black Sea because it was filled with the byproducts of asphalt and petrol.

Well, it isn’t. Instead it was nice, our area of the beach was covered with giant pillows and deck chairs, and they were serving beer and kindness at the bar.

So, there was no suffering once again. Everything was perfect and we didn’t set up our tent on an anthill.

Oh wait…