I have a hard time asking for money.
Yes, I was a teenager once and should have learned how to badger people (parents) for cash. Alas, I was either too spoiled or so hard working and responsible (more likely) that I never developed the ability to ask my parents for a little subsidy.
Therefore, I had to turn to the experts in soliciting donations, National Public Radio.
This I have learned is their secret recipe:
Valuation of Goods: How much are our blogs worth to you? How much are you willing to be entertained by foolish people doing crazy things? If you own cable TV you already pay for this, it’s called reality television. The difference for us is that ours isn’t going to be staged and any money you donate goes to poor little Mongolian orphans.
How about 25 cents for each blog? How about 25 cents for each month we’ve been writing blogs? The first is 5 dollars the second only 2 dollars. Seriously, donate 2 dollars right now, its fine. Just click the donate button at the top of our blog and send 2 bucks.
Continuation of Service: This is where we make sly inferences that without your help we MAY have to discontinue service. You may think, “They’ve already bought a car in England. They’ve already bought their plane tickets. They love adventures. Would they really not go just because they didn’t reach their donation target?”
Fine. You have us there. But if you were to help purchase an extra wheel or roof rack or donate a little cash to help purchase those things, you may help keep us from being permanently stuck in the middle of the Gobi desert all alone. Remember, if we perish in the Mongolian tundra you won’t get any more blog posts. Oh yeah, and we’ll be dead. How about that for discontinued service?
Rewards!: Here is where I cleverly distract you from the grim things I just mentioned. Now, I present you the opportunity to assuage your guilt and receive a reward for doing so. We have the standard awesome awards including a custom vinyl of your business logo, bumper stickers, and t-shirts for helping us go the extra mile. Check out our sponsor page on the right to see the myriad of ways you can help and get some recognition.
However, I want some of you to take a moment to think of better rewards for yourself. Perhaps you would like to torture a colleague? What better way to show your appreciation than donating money to us and getting a decal placed on our car that says “For a good time, call (Your Friend’s Number)” in Russian? How about a cartoon version of their face on the side of our car? Watch the following blog posts for a chance to get in on some mini games.
Civic Duty: This is the most important one. This is where I tell you that your paycheck is an entire years worth of work for half the people on this planet (and a 100% of the people receiving our donations). Seriously, you know how we are grumpy that the wealthiest 1% of people in the United States don’t give back to the community? Well, we ourselves are the top 1% for most of the world. We really need to help take care of our communities, even if they are global. Donate money to us, we will give it to the Christina Noble foundation which is one of the most effective humanitarian charities in the world. Check out their website, they post all their facts and statistics on who they are helping, how many houses they have built, the number of medical aid dispensed, the number of students they have provided education to, the number of jobs they’ve helped orphans acquire. Seriously, these guys are pro. I’m donating another $10 right now. Please join me.
Persistence: This is where I hijack the blog and provide no new content other than asking for donations. Alas, that is really boring. Instead, I’m going to provide the normal blogs with just a hint of cajoling in each one. Let’s get that little red bar at the top of the screen to be full, then we can start having fun.